Well, it is finally coming down to it.. One of two things is about to happen..
1. In a few weeks I will be laid off from work
2. In a few months I will be laid off from work
I have survived layoffs several times now, but there's no way to survive when your entire department for the county is getting laid off.. What I don't know is when. I don't know if I will be a part of the first group to get laid off in a few weeks or the second group in a few months.
I'm hoping I can at least survive for a few more months.. Maybe I can find my way through.. I've been at this job for over 10 years now.. I'm good at it.. I'm dependable. But none of that matters to a company where they care more about lint on carpet than about people..
But this could be a blessing in disguise. I hate it here.. I have for years.. I stay because the economy got bad and I was afraid to go anywhere else.. But now, being forced out, maybe I will actually find something that I like.. Which leads me to the all-important question of the day, er... week?...year?.. century?
What do I want to be when I grow up?
I know what I WANTED to be.. When I was so young and idealistic.. But I am not young OR idealistic anymore.. And now, given who I am today, What do I want to be?
The simple answer is that I just want to be happy..
I am relatively happy now.. With myself, at least. No, I dont like my job, but again, I'm good at it and Im proud of that. I have things in my life that keep me happy.. I have better people in my life now.. Yes, I am single, but I dont see that as a reason to be unhappy.. When I find the right person I will just know.. and then Ill be more happy..
Im rambling I know.. But does anyone know how we figure out what we want to do? or be? I mean yes, we can make a list of the things we like and that we do well.. and that's all well and good in theory, but how do we KNOW what will keep us happy?
If anyone has figured out even a way to start please let me know..